Why Being Your True Self Can Feel So Lonely
And How Past Experiences May Influence What You Feel Comfortable Sharing
Published October 22, 2026
“Sometimes we're so accustomed to expecting disagreement that we don't stop to consider whether anything might be different today.” Cheryl T. Campbell
When Spiritual Awakening Changes How You Feel Around People
Perhaps you've been experiencing what you would describe as a spiritual awakening.
You're questioning beliefs you've held for years. You're becoming interested in ideas you never considered before. Something you once accepted without much thought no longer feels quite right.
And while some of these discoveries can be exciting, others can leave you feeling confused or uncertain.
One day, you feel as though you're beginning to understand yourself and the world in a completely different way. The next day, something happens that leaves you questioning everything again.
Maybe you've noticed that some friendships don't feel the way they used to.
Perhaps conversations you once enjoyed seem less meaningful, or you find yourself avoiding subjects that have become important to you.
You may even feel lonely when you're sitting with people you've known and loved for years.
I think these experiences can be particularly difficult because the people around us may have no idea how much our inner world is changing.
And sometimes we don't fully understand those changes ourselves.
There's a natural desire to share what we're discovering, especially with people who matter to us. But we may also worry that they won't understand.
Or worse, that they'll criticize something we've come to value.
I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately because I recently recognized something about my own relationships that I'd never fully considered before.
Discovering What Matters to You Through Disagreement
I've had people in my life whose beliefs and attitudes were very different from mine.
Some expressed strong prejudices that I couldn't understand or accept.
I remember recognizing that certain ways of thinking felt deeply wrong to me, even before I could explain exactly why.
Looking back, I can see that those differences helped me understand my own values.
Sometimes we discover what matters to us because we encounter something that goes against what we believe.
There were also disagreements about things I chose to do.
For example, my volunteer work sometimes became a subject of criticism.
I cared deeply about that work. It wasn't simply an activity I happened to enjoy.
It was part of who I am.
And when something matters to you that deeply, criticism can feel very personal.
Those disagreements helped me recognize that certain values and choices weren't things I was willing to abandon simply because someone else saw them differently.
But recently, I began wondering whether those experiences had influenced me in another way.
Perhaps they also taught me to expect disagreement, particularly when I wanted to talk about something important to me.
And over time, maybe I'd become accustomed to keeping certain thoughts to myself.
When Keeping Your Thoughts to Yourself Becomes Familiar
Think about someone you've known for a long time.
Perhaps you've disagreed about politics, religion, spirituality, or the choices you've made in your life.
You remember how those conversations went.
Maybe someone criticized your beliefs or dismissed something that mattered to you. Perhaps the discussion became uncomfortable enough that you decided it wasn't worth bringing up again.
The next time a similar subject comes up, you hesitate.
You may decide to say nothing because you already expect the other person to disagree.
And sometimes that expectation is reasonable.
Some relationships have subjects that consistently lead to arguments. There are also people who have made it clear that they're unwilling to consider another perspective.
Choosing not to discuss something with them can be a sensible decision.
But I've begun wondering whether we always recognize the difference between what someone is actually communicating today and what we've learned to expect from them.
We may be responding to a conversation that happened years ago without realizing how much that experience is influencing us.
And that can become especially noticeable when our beliefs are changing.
We're discovering new things about ourselves, yet we may still be approaching familiar relationships with the same expectations we've carried for years.
Spirituality Wasn't Always an Uncomfortable Subject
There's something interesting about my own experiences with spirituality.
My mother and I could talk about intuition and what we sometimes called our “witchiness.”
Back in the 1980s, we even visited a psychic together.
So it would be inaccurate to say that spiritual subjects were always off-limits in my family.
Some conversations were quite natural.
Others were much more difficult.
I think that's an important distinction because relationships are rarely as simple as saying we can or cannot discuss spirituality with someone.
Sometimes we're comfortable sharing one aspect of our beliefs but reluctant to discuss another.
We may have wonderful conversations about intuition, for example, while finding subjects related to organized religion or changing spiritual beliefs considerably harder.
And our willingness to share may depend on the person, the circumstances, and what we've experienced together before.
I've recently had an experience that made me look at this from another perspective.
A Conversation That Helped Me Recognize Something New
Someone close to me recently initiated a conversation about views of the church.
For me, it was an unexpected opening to discuss a subject I genuinely enjoy.
I was pleased to have the opportunity.
In fact, I was so pleased that I began sharing my own perspective before I'd taken enough time to understand where the other person was coming from.
The conversation became uncomfortable.
Afterward, I found myself considering what had happened.
I'd spent a long time thinking about how difficult it can be to discuss personal beliefs with people who may not share them.
But this experience showed me something else.
When we finally have an opportunity to discuss a subject we've been reluctant to bring up, our excitement can influence the conversation, too.
We may become so interested in expressing what we've discovered that we forget to ask what the other person actually thinks.
That was something I needed to recognize about myself.
And it led me back to another question.
How often had I assumed I already knew someone's perspective because of disagreements we'd had in the past?
Perhaps I knew what they believed at the time.
But did I know what they believed today?
I couldn't always say that I did.
What We Remember and What We Know Today
I think there's a distinction worth exploring here.
Our memories of difficult conversations can be accurate. The disagreements may have been real. The criticism may have happened exactly as we remember it.
We don't have to question those experiences to recognize that they may have shaped our expectations.
But remembering how someone responded before doesn't necessarily tell us everything about what they think today.
People can change their understanding of a subject.
We know that because many of us have experienced changes in our own beliefs.
Perhaps you once held a particular religious view that no longer reflects what you believe.
Maybe you've become interested in spirituality after years of dismissing the subject.
Or perhaps you've reconsidered opinions you were once certain about.
If your perspective can change over time, it's possible that someone else's can, too.
Of course, it's also possible that nothing has changed.
And even when people have become more open to different ideas, that doesn't mean every conversation will be comfortable.
We simply may not have all the information.
I don't think the answer is to assume everyone has changed or to begin having difficult conversations with people we'd rather avoid.
Sometimes the most useful discovery is recognizing what we're expecting and considering why.
That alone can help us understand our choices more clearly.
Why Feeling Disconnected Isn't Always About Different Beliefs
You Don't Have to Share Everything to Be Yourself
When we talk about spiritual awakening and loneliness, there are several possibilities worth considering.
Sometimes our relationships genuinely change.
We develop different interests, question shared beliefs, or realize that certain connections no longer feel as natural as they once did.
Sometimes we're still trying to understand our own experiences. We may have difficulty explaining what we're discovering because we haven't found the words ourselves.
And sometimes we may be reluctant to share because we're expecting an uncomfortable response based on what happened before.
These experiences can overlap.
Imagine sitting with someone you care about, listening to an ordinary conversation, and realizing there's something you'd love to share.
Perhaps you've been reading about consciousness or questioning an idea you accepted for much of your life.
But before you say anything, you remember an earlier disagreement.
You decide to keep your thoughts to yourself.
The other person may have no idea you wanted to talk about something meaningful to you.
And you leave the conversation feeling that there's a part of your life you can't share with them.
That feeling can be lonely.
Sometimes the other person's beliefs really do make the conversation difficult.
Other times, we may be anticipating a response we haven't heard from them recently.
I think it's useful to leave room for both possibilities.
I've come to appreciate that being comfortable with who we are doesn't require sharing every belief with every person.
We can have different kinds of relationships.
There may be people we enjoy spending time with who have little interest in our spiritual explorations.
We may have other friends with whom we can discuss those subjects for hours.
And sometimes we choose to keep certain discoveries private while we're still making sense of them.
None of those choices automatically means we're being untrue to ourselves.
What interests me is whether we're making those choices deliberately.
Perhaps you've been keeping something to yourself because you've recognized that a particular conversation wouldn't be helpful.
Or perhaps you've been holding back out of habit and haven't considered whether the circumstances are different now.
Only you can explore what feels true in your own situation.
And sometimes that exploration begins by recognizing an expectation you've carried for so long that you stopped noticing it.
What Expectations Might You Be Carrying?
I'd like you to think about something you've become interested in or something you believe that matters deeply to you.
Perhaps it's connected to your spiritual awakening. Maybe it's a personal value, a decision you've made, or a new understanding of yourself.
Now consider whether there's someone close to you with whom you've been reluctant to discuss it.
What response do you expect?
Has that person responded that way recently, or are you remembering conversations from years ago?
Perhaps your expectation reflects both.
You don't need to approach the person and find out.
You don't have to explain your beliefs or convince anyone to understand them.
For now, simply notice what you're anticipating and where that expectation may have come from.
You may discover that holding back still feels right.
You may recognize that you're uncertain about what the other person believes today.
Or perhaps you'll notice that an old experience has been influencing your choices more than you realized.
All of those discoveries are worth considering.
Understanding Yourself Can Change How You Experience Connection
I don't believe spiritual awakening automatically makes us lonely.
But questioning long-held beliefs can change how we experience ourselves and our relationships.
Sometimes we notice genuine differences that have been there for years.
Sometimes our interests and priorities change.
And sometimes we begin recognizing patterns in ourselves that we hadn't understood before.
For me, one of those patterns may be the expectations I've carried into certain conversations.
I can appreciate that earlier disagreements helped me clarify my own values.
I can also consider whether those experiences influenced my willingness to share what matters to me.
And I can recognize that being pleased to discuss spirituality doesn't mean I've fully understood the other person's perspective.
There's still more for me to learn.
Perhaps there is for you, too.
You can honor what you've experienced while remaining open to what you may discover about yourself and the people around you.
Continue the Journey
In my related YouTube episode, The Truth About Spiritual Awakening: Why You're Feeling Lonely, I explore why questioning your beliefs can affect close relationships and share the experiences that led me to reconsider the expectations I carry.
If you've been feeling disconnected from people you love, I hope this conversation gives you another perspective to consider.
Watch the Related Episode Below
Put This Principle Into Practice
Sometimes a story helps us recognize something familiar in our own lives.
But taking time to examine our experiences can help us understand how those experiences may still influence us.
That's why I created The Expectations We Carry, a 12-page guided Living Practice exploring why we sometimes hold back around the people we love.
Through private reflection and writing exercises, you'll have room to:
Notice where and with whom you hesitate to share your thoughts.
Recognize the reactions you expect before a conversation begins.
Consider the experiences that shaped those expectations.
Explore what you know today and what you may be assuming.
Choose what feels right while respecting your boundaries.
You don't have to confront anyone, change your beliefs, or reach a particular conclusion.
You can simply give yourself the opportunity to understand what's influencing your choices.
The Expectations We Carry
Exploring Why We Hold Back Around the People We Love
A guided 12-page Living Practice · $17
You can honor what happened before without assuming every conversation will be the same.
Share this reflection:
✨ Feel free to wander back...
