LIVING PRACTICE · 005 | INNER ADVANTAGE
THE EXPECTATIONS WE CARRY
Exploring Why We Hold Back Around the People We Love
Maybe You're Expecting a Conversation That Hasn't Happened Yet.
Perhaps you've been discovering new things about yourself, but there are people close to you who don't know what you've been thinking.
Maybe you've disagreed with them before about your beliefs, values, or choices.
And you remember how uncomfortable those conversations became.
So when something similar comes up, you keep your thoughts to yourself.
Sometimes that's a wise choice.
But perhaps you've become so accustomed to expecting disagreement that you haven't considered whether anything might be different today.
The Expectations We Carry is a 12-page Living Practice that invites you to explore what you expect from people close to you, where those expectations came from, and how they influence what you feel comfortable sharing.
You can respect your past experiences while considering what may be true today.
THE EXPECTATIONS WE CARRY
Are Old Conversations Influencing What You Share Today?
Sometimes we expect someone to disagree with us before we've even begun speaking.
Perhaps you've had arguments about subjects that matter deeply to you. You remember what was said and how those conversations felt.
Over time, you may have learned which subjects were easier to avoid.
So even when you have something you'd really like to share, you hesitate.
And there may be good reasons for that. Some disagreements reflect genuine differences that haven't changed.
But sometimes we're responding to what happened before without knowing how the other person sees things today.
Our own beliefs and understanding can change. Other people's perspectives may change, too.
It's worth considering whether the expectations we've carried forward still reflect what we're experiencing now.
LOOKING AT WHAT WE EXPECT
You Can Question an Expectation Without Dismissing What Happened Before.
Sometimes we hesitate to reconsider an expectation because it came from a real experience.
Perhaps someone criticized something important to you, dismissed your beliefs, or made you feel that certain subjects were better left alone.
You remember those experiences for a reason.
And you may worry that questioning your expectations means ignoring what you've learned.
But exploring an expectation doesn't mean disregarding your experiences.
You can:
Recognize when you're expecting disagreement before a conversation begins.
Remember what shaped that expectation without questioning whether your experience was valid.
Consider what you actually know about someone's perspective today.
Remain open to another possibility without assuming the person has changed.
Choose what feels comfortable sharing while respecting your own boundaries.
What happened before may explain what you expect today.
You can recognize an old expectation without deciding it's wrong.
Understanding what influences your choices gives you room to choose deliberately.
A MOMENT TO LOOK AGAIN
What Might You Discover About the Expectations You Carry?
Perhaps you've been avoiding certain conversations for so long that you no longer stop to consider why.
The Expectations We Carry invites you to choose one situation where you find yourself holding back and explore it with curiosity.
Through guided reflections and writing exercises, you'll consider the response you expect, the experiences that shaped that expectation, and what you actually know about the situation today.
You may discover that an old expectation no longer tells the whole story. Or you may recognize that your concerns remain valid.
Either way, you'll better understand what's influencing your choices.
You don't have to share more than you're comfortable with to begin understanding why you hold back.
YOUR LIVING PRACTICE
The Expectations We Carry
Exploring Why We Hold Back Around the People We Love
Sometimes we become so accustomed to anticipating disagreement that we stop noticing how those expectations influence what we share.
This 12-page guided Living Practice gives you space to explore one of those expectations and consider whether it still reflects your circumstances today.
Inside The Expectations We Carry:
Where you hold back. Notice the subjects you hesitate to share and with whom.
What you expect. Recognize the response you anticipate before a conversation begins.
Where it began. Consider the experiences that shaped your expectations.
What's true today. Explore what you know about the present and what you're anticipating from the past.
What you'll carry forward. Choose how you want to respond while respecting your own boundaries.
You can take your time, write honestly, and return to the practice whenever you notice yourself anticipating a difficult conversation.
SEEING THE PRESENT MORE CLEARLY
What Changes When You Recognize an Old Expectation?
Perhaps you've spent years avoiding certain subjects with someone close to you.
Then one day, the subject comes up unexpectedly.
You find yourself preparing for disagreement before you even know what the other person thinks.
And you begin to recognize how much your earlier experiences may be influencing what you expect.
That doesn't mean your concerns were unfounded or that the relationship has changed.
But recognizing the expectation gives you an opportunity to consider what you actually know today.
You may notice that some things are different, discover that your concerns remain valid, or realize there's more you don't know.
Whatever you discover, you can make a more deliberate choice about what to share, what to ask, and what to keep private.
Sometimes recognizing an expectation we've carried for years helps us understand ourselves a little better.